Strangely Dim.

Let's start out with some lyrics tonight.

♫I've got all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why
I got a front row seat to the longest wait
And I just can't see past the things I pray today♫

There are two things in my life that seem to consume more of my thoughts than anything else: My future career and my future husband. While I don't think that these are necessarily bad things to think about, I fully believe that they way I think about them and how much I think about them can tear me down.

Let's start with my future career.
I'm a children's ministry major. For most people this means working in a church after I graduate as a children's minister. There is nothing wrong with this. I, too, thought that working in a church is what I would be doing for the rest of my life. However, that was the end of high school and the beginning of college. There has been so much that I have experienced and learned in the last four years. God has shown me that there is so much more to ministry than ministry inside of a church. God has given me new desires. With all this being said, I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. Sure, I have dreams. I even have plans. There are a number of things I could see myself doing and honestly loving my job. I could be an administrative assistant (I realize that is a secretary. I like that.). I could work for a camp doing administrative work or working out front with kids or youth. I could work for some non-profit organization that serves others. I could do so many things and be content with any of it. I honestly haven't worried too much lately about what I'll be doing. I know God with take care of me. He'll provide for me. I start getting nervous when I'm constantly asked what I'll be doing after I graduate. I feel like I have to have an answer and most of the time I don't. I just.don't.know.

And now, for the future husband.
This has been a struggle more than I want to admit. It feels like everyone I'm close to in my life has someone and that has been difficult to deal with at times. I always hear things like, "Don't worry! He's coming soon!" and "I just know it's going to happen for you. You just have to wait a little longer." These things are meant to comfort. But that's not always the case. They are said with good intentions...but that's not always how it feels. Part of what makes it hard is that they people who say things like that are all my age or right around my age, and they are the ones who already have someone in their life. Right now, there isn't much to say other than it's hard waiting, especially when that is what everyone is telling you to do.

♫But when I fix my eyes on all that you are
And every doubt I feel deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade and fall to the ground
Cause when I seek your face and don't look around
Any place I'm in grow strangely dim♫

This song has meant a lot to me lately. It has been a reminder of where my focus needs to be, and not just in these two areas of  my life, but in every area.

As far as my future career is concerned, I may have lots of dreams and plans about what I want to do, but what I need to remember is that God is the Ultimate Planner. He knows what I will be doing and He'll present that opportunity before me. Like I said before, I could be happy and content doing a number of different things, but when  I fix my eyes on Him, He'll show me what it is I need to be doing at that moment in my life. I'm beginning to think that it's okay if I don't have an answer for people when they ask me what I'm doing with my life. God will provide and for now, that's all I need to know.

And my future husband. I've been pursuing the wrong things. I've been pursuing guys and who they are. I need to be pursuing Christ. I need to be pursuing who Christ is. My pursuit should be about Christ, nothing else. It is only through Christ that I have anything and everything in my life. I've learned that when I look to myself and to other things I lose focus and I start getting discouraged. I've been discouraged lately because I have taken my eyes off of the One who has never left my side. I stopped pursuing the One that I need most in my life.
I was talking with a woman tonight who I have come to love and respect and look up to as a believer. She was talking about how she waited and how hard it was. She told me many of the same things I have heard before about all this happening for me and just needing to wait. However, she said something else that I haven't heard a lot of people say to me...

"Lizzy, I know it's hard waiting. But it is so worth it. There is power in total submission to Him."

Those words impacted me more than what anyone else has ever said to me before. "There is power in total submission to Him." I need to submit my life to Christ. Not because I want the perfect job or the perfect husband, but because the power of Christ is greater than I can comprehend and with Christ, I will have joy in my life whether or not I get those things. I want nothing more than my life to glorify Christ. When I keep my eyes fixed on Him, I have no doubt that is what will happen. 

I want to end with this verse. 

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who take refuge in him."

Psalm 34:8

The Lord is good. He has shown me that again and again in my life. For me, that's all there is to it.

Fields of Grace.

So, this is me. I am a senior at Southwest Baptist University majoring in Children's Ministry, I am the president of an organization for ministry students who have a desire to disciple others and watch them grow, I work with a children's ministry in a town that is way under the poverty line where drugs are prominent and the kids want to be loved. I'm a typical middle child (although I'm mostly over it) with two sisters on either side of me and I come from a family that means more to me than almost anything else in my life. I have the best friends anyone could ask for...and I know lots of people say that, but in my case it's true. Even greater than all of these things, I am loved by the Creator of the universe. I am the child of a King. I have been washed by His precious blood so that I may forever be with Him. This is what has impacted my life more than anything.

I didn't know what to name my blog. I wasn't totally sure what I wanted my blog to be about. It was my friend Sean, one of my best friends, who came up with the title "Dancing with Grace." I said that I wanted this to be a blog about what Christ is teaching me, about the things that I go through that impact me as I am learning what it means to begin life after I graduate college in less than seven months. I also want this to be about loving others, showing God's love and grace through my actions. This was Sean's description of "Dancing with Grace":

"The whole double meaning of trying to get through the transition gracefully and trying to comprehend God's grace as well as show that grace to others...Sometimes life entails learning the steps and just doing it...In partnering, you have to follow. So, if you are dancing with grace, you are following God's lead."

Boom. I was sold. All of that is what I want my blog to be about. Learning, growing, dancing. All with and through Christ.

I decided that I am going to try and make every title of my blog posts be a song title. Tonight, it is Fields of Grace by Big Daddy Weave. My favorite lines from this song... 

♫There's a place that I lose myself within

There's a place where I find myself again

Dancin' with my Father God in fields of grace

There's a place where religion finally dies

There's a place that I lose my selfish pride

Dancin' with my Father God in fields of grace♫

I love this vision of dancing with my Father. I want nothing more than for Him to lead me. Learning His dance. I hope that you will learn His dance as well, because let me tell you, there is no better dance than when you get to dance with the Father.